When Preston and I had first started dating, we decided to take a trip up to Busch Gardens. (We thought that a theme park where the theme was “beer” sounded A-OK to us.) We stayed at a rather pitiful Holiday Inn and had dinner at Cracker Barrel. Preston beat me (badly) at checkers and I haven’t played since.

The next day, we went to the park. We started off with beer (no really, they do tastings and it’s free and fun) and then rode roller coasters all day.

Here’s the thing, I don’t really like most roller coasters. I like the twirly upside down ones (at Busch Gardens it is “Alpengeist” and I could ride it ALL DAY) but those other ones, no thanks. My least favorite is Apollo’s Chariot. It’s the one where Fabio got hit in the face with a goose. (Why do I remember this ridiculous detail?)

Anyways, there is just this tiny lap bar, and my legs aren’t long enough to touch the floor of the cart, so I’m just sort of dangling there. And at the very tippy top, there’s a surprise drop – you drop a tiny bit, stop, and then you go down the huge one.

My stomach is turning just thinking about it.

And it’s, by far, the best analogy for how I’m feeling on a daily basis. You spend lots of time waiting, are happy to finally get going, then start up a hill where the anticipation damn near kills you. Then, you go over the top and careen toward the ground with technical precision, but it feels haphazard and reckless. For me, my face gets contorted in weird ways. Totally involuntary and I HATE it.

And then little fun curves and drops and some good times, and then you get off with wobbly knees and a big smile, and head toward the next one.

And the next one has giant shoulder harnesses and you are too short to fit, so your head just bobbles between them the whole time.

That stomach drop feeling? That happens to me about 6 times a day. It happens when we have some new hurdle or difficulty, of course, but also when we get blown away by the generosity and kindness of others. And then there are just tons of things that make us smile. We spend a lot more time smiling and having fun than you might think. It’s a great testament to Preston’s attitude about this whole thing, and our sweet little boy. It is damn hard to be in a crappy mood when he is around (and has had a nap. haha)

Chemo tomorrow. Certainly comes with a feeling of anticipation – will it be like the first time with minimal side effects? Are they going to keep getting worse each time? – but we have faith that the medicine is working and that it will all be worth it in the end. Wobbly knees and all.