Ok, so that thing that I was expressing last night – that weird conflict of “I want my person here!” versus, “Please let them move on” has a name and it’s totally a whole thing. It’s called a “Compassionate Wish.” And it’s an acknowledgement that there is a massive difference between “being alive” and “living.”

So, thanks to y’all who are joining me in sending up a compassionate wish.

I learned that term from one of the social workers here. Look, I don’t think – even after 17 years in the nonprofit sector – that I could have articulated what the heck a social worker did. I know it’s an incredibly broad field. And they do all sorts of stuff. But I’ve never really intersected with them until the last few weeks.

And they’re freaking amazing and we don’t talk about how great they are enough. And like, “social worker” doesn’t feel like the right word. “Emotional caretaker?” “Great listener?” “Holder of hard conversations?” “Excellent huggers?” “Receiver of bad, dark jokes?”

I’ve been intersecting with two of them, and honestly, it’s not like I’ve spent tons of time with either of them. But they’ve been wildly helpful. They let me vent or joke as necessary. They have given incredible advice about how to help Conor. They’ve made sure I’ve eaten. It’s weird to feel so connected to strangers so quickly, but they’re just easy.

What a gift that is – to spend most of your time around people who are grieving – hard. And to take a little of that on yourself. With an impossible caseload, and not nearly enough of a paycheck. I appreciate that’s part of the consideration here. It’s as much about care for the patient as it is for us.

This is why I’m purposely on the branch of nonprofit work that is famously removed from direct service. I have all the respect in the world for people who can work directly with humans who are in pain. Maybe I could do it? I’m not sure I’d want to. So many big feelings to hold. So many tears. So much hugging.

Yeah, I think I’ll leave that to them. But I’ll definitely walk out of this experience with an entirely new understanding and appreciation of this important role in our society. They’re kinda the best.