Hospice house is a gentle and caring place. Nurses and aids come by to marvel at Preston’s tattoos. The volunteers know my strict rules about visitors. The maintenance crew checks in to make sure the playstation is hooked up and working. The social workers say things like, “OMG I love your sense of humor.” Even the doctors wonder aloud about how we’re still so optimistic.

We’re still us. Still the little family that fights so hard for our good moments together. Preston still puts up with my “memory making” crafts with a glad heart – even though it’s brutal. Conor can’t help but ask to be timed to run laps around the labyrinth outside. I’ve made friends with basically everyone. And Preston is making jokes even in the midst of unimaginable pain and anxiety.

I think that is generally true, though of course, I only have my own perspective. But I think that even when you’re deep in crisis, you’re still going to be you. Your essence doesn’t change when the world around you does. You might have to re-center yourself more often, or need to be reminded to eat more than swiss cake rolls, or need chemistry to help you get through the day, but you’ll still basically show up the same way you always have. It might even magnify it a little bit.

There are a whole lot of people out there sending all of their love and holding us close and thinking about us a lot and thanking their lucky stars that they’re not in our shoes.

But look, you might be someday, and the foundation you’ve built – the person you are – that’s who has to carry you through this. If 2004 me had to show up and figure this shit out, man, we’d all be in a tough spot. (and don’t even get me started about 2004 Preston – that kid was a loose cannon.)

Our little family built our coping skills by practicing. By engaging professionals when we needed to. By prioritizing careers that gave us time to be together. By developing deep and real relationships with our family and friends. By being honest with one another about our needs. By supporting each other’s essence and hobbies and shortcomings. By sticking close most of the time and granting space when we needed it. By never ever – not once – forgetting that the only thing that actually matters is that we love each other.

People say all the time – maybe even once a day – maybe you’ve even said it – “I don’t know how you do it.” And the answer is that we’ve been loving each other and those around us deeply and it’s cheesy as shit, but it carries you. You can only ever fall but so hard. You build this structure of support coming out from every angle – family, friends, colleagues – and everyone shares just a little bit of that weight and somehow, you stay suspended.

Dear friends, know that we feel held up by your love and your deep desire to help. Know that your well wishes are not going unheard and that it is keeping us from sinking. Know that when your time comes to have to navigate the shitty stuff, we will hold you up right along side us and we’ll figure it out.

Be exactly who you are and make friends and laugh and keep moving and you’ll be OK.