I’ve had this whole plan to “blog all of the time!” “It will be good therapy!” “So cathartic!” “Plus people will be up to date!”

Yeah. That lasted, what, one post?

I guess none of this has felt all of that interesting. Chemo sucks. It sucked before, it sucks now. He gets really nauseated for 4 days or so and then starts to feel a bit better and then it starts all over again. I sleep in the guest room and work from home. Conor’s amazing. Our family is incredible. So, we’re pretty good (all things considered.)

This weekend my sister got married. It was a wonderful few days and a beautiful distraction and a reminder of just how uplifting life can be. I had to take a moment to breathe during their first dance, but other than that, I held things together pretty well.

My therapist says I’m very, very good at hiding my feelings.

I think that’s a compliment maybe? It’s just that I’m good at compartmentalizing. As long as I can keep myself from spiraling – that’s the trick. Because if I start down the “how long do people with stage 4 colon cancer live” google search rabbit hole, man it’s game over.

I keep trying to remember this: Medicine is advancing literally every day. Preston is young and strong and stubborn. Our team is incredible. And being sad doesn’t really help anything, does it? It just makes me not enjoy the time I have.

And remember, that’s what we have. That’s how we live. No sense in screwing it up.